Twenty Five for Twenty Six

It has been a rough two weeks, not gonna lie, but I'm alive. I had to take a break and I'm honestly not sure if that break is done? Today was hard. * HARD*  But I told myself "Blog. Get back into it or you won't at all." I wish I could sum up all of the time I have missed in December but I just can't. Nothing detrimental happened but so many little things going wrong plus work stress plus social stress plus working on goals. It just got to be too much. I will continue to struggle with things for a while is my guess and going into a New Year that is a little disheartening. It is tough to have all of this momentum and then watch it all just leave, mass exodus style. But I am working on it. And that's all I can ask for myself right now. I'm doing enough. I believe in my abilities. And me saying all of this is an act of self compassion which is today's mental health tip and is defined below along with the best website should you wish to kno...

And I really need to because I have missed, both accidentally and purposefully, the 18-20th. It's been a  tough week with everything that is going on in lead up to the holiday. Working, goals, social, working, goals, social. It just got to be too much and it was going to cause me stress to try to post than it was worth. I thought I lost another pound but now I don't remember what the number was last week so I will monitor a little more closely. Gym has not been good. My car desperately needs to be cleaned because I skipped last week. I haven't done chores yet this week. I'm behind on my be beautiful for fun days. It just kind of a train wreck as you can see.  I am hoping that I can start doing better as of today because my schedule just gets more hectic this whole weekend. Fingers crossed. My hope is I can look at all of these set backs as just set backs and not failure because then I'll give up and not want to do them anymore.

Apparently I was exhausted when I came home from work because by 11:30 PM on 12/16/17, I was unconscious. So here I am, writing, yesterdays posts like I've been doing. There was cookie contest yesterday at work which was delicious. I had too many of them though. I should not have let my self partake. So today will have to be filled with better food options. I have my lean cuisine pizza that I can have and I will look at see if there is a leaner food item at the cafeteria for dinner. Anella went out and got some frosting for the Jingle and Bells' adventures on Christmas with the clients. Cookies galore let me tell you! It's going to be great, I just have to remember the cookies aren't for me. ALSO! Catherine and I might have found another Maid of Honor dress since David's Bridal has really dumb online policies. I just need to go get measured! This does scare me a little bit. My standard dress size right now is a 10-12. We ordered a 10 in the last dress and even i...

Friday's are busy days but today was exceptionally busy. We are down staff members at work which means everyone has to do extra things. And then I'm generally bad a time management so that's not helpful. And then Anella and I had some elf supplies to get for things we are planning for Christmas! I'm going to be Jingle and she's going to be Bells and then we will be Jingle Bells together and get to spread Christmas cheer to all the clients! We have bells and skirts and hats and leggings and all the festive things! That follows seeing The Last Jedi with the boyfriend. It was so much better than Force Awakens but I still have a reservations. All the Leia feels though!! And Luke!! I don't really care about our new characters though #unpopularopinion. Go see it and see what you think for yourself.

Thursdays are supposed to be checkin day with Catherine and I am thinking about making them formal check in day on here as well. I am one pound towards my weight loss goal, I am consistently failing to make it to the gym three times a week, dressing up for me is going alright, the schedule thing is doing better, book reading is nice, and car cleanliness wavers from week to week. Chores however, are doing pretty well but that has only been in circuit for like... 12 days so we shall see. I made chicken tostadas from Blue Aprong and they were really yummy. I'm excited to have those for lunch tomorrow!! Also, I did some stuff towards Catherine's wedding which is awesome. I can't wait to really start planning all of that :)

So after a day of being hella productive and relaxing and getting some energy back... it was all taken away by one person because that person is a leech to all things that are good in life and should really just go away and not be near civilized people. But that is just me speaking from a place of resentment. In all reality, although nothing was done to work towards any goal today and work was streesssssfuuullllllll, it wasn't a bad day. I got to spend time with boothang at the mall and found cute Christmas stuff. MENTAL HEALTH TIP OF THE DAY:          Those who anger you, control you. Break free of others' toxicity by practicing mindfulness and being in control of your own reaction. Choose.

Goal seven is something I have been mulling over for a while and it kind of stumbled it's way into my lap today as I randomly had the day off. I decided to spend the first half of the day outside of my apartment which led to me on many adventures. I looked at apartments (found one I LOVE), did laundry, stuck to the basics of my schedule, made a return, dropped off the dry cleaning, did the dishes, bought the cat Christmas presents, gave and received support from a friend, watched a comedy show on Netflix for an hour, called about my hospital bills, paid my insurance premium, cooked dinner, went grocery shopping, exchanged one of the cat's presents for something else, and somewhere in the middle of all that I went to my local library and got a library card.  I've been wanting to get back into reading for a long time. The friend that I spoke with earlier said she had so many books to read once we graduated because she finally had time. While I don't necessarily have a ...

Working in substance abuse rehabilitation, I know quite a few things about various drugs, chemicals, and the body. I taught a class on this stuff. One of my subjects was Sugar. Sugar is technically more addicting that cocaine in the sense that our bodies need sugar or else we wouldn't be able to process fruits and grains. When we introduce sugar into our system, our brain responds with dopamine aka the reward chemical. And thus begins everyone's relationship with Sugar. Now, even though I know all that I know about sugar DOES NOT MEAN I DON'T EAT IT. I ADORE SUGAR. It tastes fabulous and is in all the best things. One of my biggest problems is how much of my food on a day to day basis is either sugar based (candy, chocolate, dessert items in general) or processes down to some sort of sugar molecule (glucose, fructose, galactose). I'm working on lowering this but I'm addicted to sugar. Its a hard battle to win. Why do I bring all of this up? Because I realized ...

So it was FREEZING again today but I was better prepared! I brought both of my jackets to work with me so that I could change into the warmer one once it started to get dark, I wore a Santa hat in order to cover my ears, AND then I realized I could put the Hand Warming bags they give us IN MY SHOES!! Do you know how wonderful of an idea that was?? It was brilliant! Once I finished my shift, I went to Sephora because it was the last day of 20% off and I was able to get some cool stuff. I actually had 35 dollars on some gift cards that I thought were empty so that was a great surprise! I got to bed late, ate okay-ish, and thought about the weeks to come. I had secretly wanted to lose five pounds before January (which isn't going to happen) and got a little bummed. BUT, I can still work on losing two. I have some time to do that. It really should be that hard right?

Florida is not typically cold but when it is, we all scramble in Floridian fashion to not be cold. Personally, I would rather be cold than hot but being cold in the wind? Not my favorite. I didn't do much of anything other than work today. I tried to exchange my maid of honor dress but David's Bridal hates me sooooooo yea. I did however vacuum out my car which is on the schedule AND I GOT SOME CHRISTMAS LIGHTS FOR THE OFFICE!!!

It's car wash day!! One of my other goals was to get my car washed once a month and clean it out weekly. Like everything else, I've been struggling with this but today I decided to use it as a self care activity and get one of the "fancier" car washes. I got the tricolored soap and the shine stuff Etc. It's a 7 minute break where I get to feel like a kid again and get all excited!  Anyway, goal six is adding one chore to my schedule at least three times a week. This allows For some crossover between goals which helps me complete all of them. Ideally, it will graduate to a chore everyday for multiple reason. One of them is I've never been able to do that, it is scientifically proven to reduce your stress level, and another being that will help me keep my apartment cleaner. I have all year to get to that point so for now let's shoot for three chores a week.  What counts as a chore you ask? Cleaning the car, cat box, dishes, or floor; doing lau...

I honestly have nothing to really report on. I accomplished some chores but that's about it. I'm struggling this week and I'm struggling hard. On the upside, I did get some new clothing items AND a new counseling book.

This post says it was posted at a certain time and day but that isn't true. I was out until 1237 at Magic Kingdom and then spent two hours trying to get home because of road closures on I4. I was WAY too tired to try and type anything out. So here I am. Another day of not working out, incredibly stressful events, and then an attempt to save the day that resulted in me getting on It's a Small World o.O. A little bit of Magic goes a long way but it isn't the same. With Wishes and Celebrate the Magic retired, I found my self struggling to connect with my once favorite place. Magic was a home for me, a safe haven full of memories, magic (no pun intended), and hope. While it was a fun evening and there was something special about seeing the new fireworks from the tram and the monorail, I fear that my love for this brand of pixie dust has returned to Neverland.

Not a whole lot to be honest. I interviewed for an extra counseling position but it seems as though everyone is so who knows if anything will come from it. Then I spent 9.5 hours at WDW. I ate terribly (4 cookies... all the bread...) and stayed up way too late. I'm so tired.

So since this weekend was a tad rough, I made the decision to make today into BossLadyMonday. I put on my favorite dress, did my makeup at work (during down time don't worry), decided to embrace the day with dignity and boldness. Solely because I can. And while I don't feel like a Boss today, I can look like one should I be bold enough to choose. Word of the Day: Bold- (of a person, action, or idea) showing an ability to take risks; confident and courageous; unafraid of fear or consequence. Confidence and courage are two words I try to embrace and live for more often so fingers crossed. Red lips are bold because they are hard to keep up with. So here we are. ALSO!! All the clients were bold today and this weekend in their actions so that's another reason bold is the word of the day.

Today has had she ups and some downs. It was a little better of a day of goals but stress kind of stole the show. I scrubbed my tub because chores are slowly making their way back into my everyday life and because a small accomplishment like a chore is something good to do when you start finding yourself battling feelings of depression. Being in the mental health feild is everything I dreamed it would be and I've  had this notion that I would be exempt from losing hope, impacting my personal life, and suffering from burnout because I'm an annoyingly peppy person. Obviously I was wrong but today I really started to feel some of that overlap. In school, a professor told us to fill your own cup before filling the cup of others. I haven't been too good at that recently. I keep adding stuff to my plate with already no real down time for me. That's part of the reason I want to keep to a schedule and achieve these goals. To give back to myself, to fill up that cup. The person ...

I failed at a ton of things today. I was a bad communicator, I didn't eat well, my car didn't get cleaned, I didn't go to the gym. It just wasn't great day. I got a compliment from one of my guests which was nice but other than that I was real cynical throughout the day. And then I just had a melt down over technology not working right. On the up side, I looked into the possibility of starting some extra outpatient hours either January or April if I meet criteria. We shall see. And Peter and I watched the worst Christmas movie I have ever seen all because Pierce Brosnan is in the thumbnail on Netflix.  I want French fries and a day off. Sigh.

IN MY LIVING ROOM! I meant to put the tree up the day after every Thanksgiving but that didn't happen. So December 1st it is!  Actually I put it on my to do list as part of my scheduling app I downloaded for goal five so, so far so good. Although I didn't make it to the gym today... As far as other goals go, I think I lost a pound? Which is a step? I'm behind on the car cleaning but I have bee mostly keeping up with drawing up once a week, even if it isn't on my scheduled days. It's been a rocky start but I think we'll see improvement!  Our tree isn't the best thing and it kind of looks like a rainbow threw up on it (and its crooked and skinny) but it's ours! Now to await the chaos that is having a cat and a Christmas tree for the next 30ish days. Reesie no! 

***I attempted to post this yesterday but A ran out of time and B it didn't properly save as a draft*** November is over and I have established five goals out of the 25 I have said I would make and begin working on. I'm at the gym today because I went out on a datelast night with Peter (Disney springs and mini golf yo) so a make up day is require.  I also began using a scheduling app so we will see how that goes.