Twenty Five for Twenty Six

I’m writing this from the beyond. I have crossed over into sleep already and may never return...

I’m so tired. And I shouldn’t be this tired. But I am. I’ve taken two naps. Ugh.  I did well with work responsibilities today, goal twelve is going well although I did go over 2.9 hours today. I got lots done, went to the gym, had Chinese food for dinner, and got a new shirt. 

Today was a day of fun and bad food and laughs and games.  My eldest nephew turned ten today. My little nugget, my bugs, is ten!  There is a picture saved on my sister’s camera of me holding him st like 4 days old when I was 15 and kissing his forehead and suddenly he’s in fourth grade and brilliant and obsessed with video games. So Peter and I drove to Tampa and played games all day today. I scored the highest because I got a jackpot on a ticket game but it was super fun. 

I’m so tired. And I have no reason to be tired.  We went through a wildlife trail thing but it was a trail that you drove down. We saw gators and snakes and birds.  I had an hour increase in phone use today. But it’s Saturday and a day off so I feel like that isn’t that bad. Good night. 

So far goal twelve is going great!! I caught myself before opening and scrolling through Facebook on autopilot this morning. Through out the day I only had about 2 hours of phone time total which is a drastic improvement. Small wins are big wins to me so I’m excited. 

New Goal Alert!!  Goal Twelve has been established and it includes limiting my social media and phone use. I can kill my battery in three hours when left to my own devices (okay yes my phone is also 3years old and it’s battery is crap but still).  I spend an unwise amount of time on my phone and Facebook and Instagram now. So I downloaded an app called moment that yells at me when I go over 2.5 hours of social media a day.  The other part of this goal includes not starting my day scrolling through Facebook. It’s not a pleasant thing sometimes and it’s a big distraction. 

Minus the two donuts and ice cream I had today, I felt pretty good!  I got up early, dressed up for WellDressedWednesday, saw 2.5 clients, got to do a fun group, and finished some paperwork. My lipstick looked fab all day without having to be reapplied and I generally felt good mind and body!  WellDressedWednesday consisted of a new dress and shoes from yesterday’s excursion and a bold lip. I just loved the chevron and the colors and I felt so nice in my outfit today. But I definitely got som suburaban soccer mom vibes from myself which was a little eerie.  We went out and finally saw Tag which was a cute comedy. Work week is almost finished as week and I think I will be able to go to my nephews birthday party!! 

That is what I told myself when I got out of the car to walk into Payless.  Today was a “day off” even though I worked from 640-1150  running group and making sure the clients didn’t get into fist fights. Afterward, I went home and three away our fish tank because some strange creatures were inhabiting it and then I went to go get my oil changed.  That was going to take too long so I said “let’s go to the library!”. And that’s how I ended up at Payless.   I need new shoes desperately, mine are three years old and falling apart. So I set a limit. I spent 46 dollars on four pairs of shoes and I am happy with my purchase. Now to not buy anything else... oh wait.  All of the things needed to be replaced today like laundry detergent and bug spray. Ugh. So there went More money.  I did talk with Amanda briefly. Time is a social construct.  I’m tired. 

Today’s food intake was... hard to quantify. I’m noticing unfavorable increases on my weight chart and I know I need to change my food intake. The goal here is to get back to a reduced amount of calories and increase in physical exertion. I think I hit around 2000 calories today (guessing because there as a party) and I should be at 1200 ideally.  One of the interns is leaving (so sad) and we had a brunch celebration for her going away party. Bagels, donuts, cookies, strudel, breakfast burritos, fruit. So many carbs. I made an effort not to consume everything. And that was my big meal for the day so that was a small win as far as portion goes.  It the content... well. Not great. Peter and I later tried to go see Tag but the projector broke so we got a free ticket to any other movie. Peter chose Skyscraper immediately and that’s what we did. Now I am going to bed so that I can be back to work for a few hours by 7. 

This week as been all over the place. Interviews, emergency vet visits, baby showers, and t shirt making plus work and terrible headaches and fighting with boyfriend.  It is so hard to stay motivated and on top of things when all of the external factors are collectively shoving you off of your tracks.   I haven’t coped with all of the bad stress well- lots of eating that shouldn’t have happened and I gained three pounds as a result. I also spent waaayyy more money than I should have as well.  I plan to cope better this week. More constructively. I have a T-shirt to finish making for the upcoming concert, a painting I can work on, and some extra time off this week! I have a mini goal for next week to post everyday. Let’s see. 

I remember having this thought when I was in school “what will life be like without this block carved out each day?” I couldn’t comprehend no school for the whole year. It freaked me out for a long time.  Obviously, I got over it but I miss going to school. School supply shopping was my favorite part each year too! I love office supplies so much and I can’t explain why. But aside from that, I went to Target tonight to get some stuff for an interview I’m preparing for and I found myself here: The school supply section. My playground. Notebooks and pencils and binders galore! And suddenly I was sad. I was sad for hallways and lockers and desks I’ll never use again. I missed my closeknit group of friends that I saw everyday, inside jokes, teachers, textbooks. All of it. I missed high school. I missed the work, the structure, the comfort of it. It was a bizarre phenomenon to experience considering highschool wasn’t the best point of my life, undergrad was. And yet, there I was at 951 a...

Today started off with a nightmare and running late to work. I wasn’t able to pack any food and had to live out of the vending machine. But, some really cool things happened today after all. I had a few moments with guests that were just lovely and the leaders saw those moments which earned high fives and “that’s awesomes”.  One set of guests gave me an appreciation note!!  To make the day even better, I GOT TO SEE CATHERINE!! Her and Alex were in town to go to an outdoors store and they treat me to dinner at Buca diBeppo and then we talked about potential birthday party things. Her and I used to do “Suzy Tuesday” when we both lived in Tampa so that explains today’s title. Her and Alex are breaths of fresh air in my otherwise indoor air life and I love them.  Peter and I watched the Super Mario Bros movie and I learned I have lost a total of 14 lbs, only 11 more to go! 

This is how I have felt for the last four days. Also, I had to find my copy of Halloweentown, set up the BluRay player, fast forward to this scene, and then take a picture of it because I have had this particular sequence in my head and the Internet didn’t have the picture anywhere I could find.  I haven’t been doing well with my food. I’ve been sleeping a ton and eating out a lot and falling to my cravings for desserts. Today I didn’t eat a single thing from my own home; everything was fast food. And I knew this as I bought it. I know my calorie count and expectations and what to do to help me drop weight and here I am saying “oops” and doing it anyway. I feel guilty and like I failed. I constantly feel like I’m failing and I cope by doing things that eventually will make me feel like a failure but later. It’s a vicious and toxic cycle and I’m too unmotivated (read lazy) to change it. How do I fix this? How do I fix me?  We saw “Skyscraper” today. It was entertaining. 

I didn’t spell sideffects correctly I don’t think. Maybe I did. Some of the big side effects of the pneumonia meds is being exhausted early. I passed out at 930 pm last night. We just got back from seeing Deadpool 2 around 1050 and I just curled up and boom! The cat and Peter woke me up.  Tomorrow is a WDW day so some good water intake and steps are in my future . Work today was good and food intake was good too! 32 ounces of water as well!  Now let’s keep it up. 

The past two days have been full of sleeping. The sickness got worse night before last so I called out of work yesterday to go to the doctors office. It’s been two weeks, it’s getting worse, time to go. So I slept until 2pm yesterday and then went to the doctor only to be told I have atypical pneumonia (it leads into walking pneumonia if it goes untreated I guess). And so I started on antibiotics and a steroid and water and all that Jazz. I also finished a book and started a new audiobook for the sequel. Peter passed out with all of the lights on at like 1145 and I followed shortly after because I was exhausted. I ended up oversleeping today and was late for work but I’m sick so it’s okay. Work was good, food content was not, water intake was okay. I got most of my stuff done and managed to turn some days around. Peter and I got back a little while ago from Universal where we were able to catch the new nighttime show over at Studios. It is still in rehearsal so tweaks will be made but ...

Happy Independence Day! Hopefully everyone is happy to be a separatist ^_^ My day was uneventful and fattening :) we had cupcakes and burgers and baked chicken and macaroni salad. Delicious but bad for me. Tomorrow will have to be a better day. Peter and I went to Graffiti Junktion and I spent five dollars on DJ credits to play music in the restaurant. This honestly was so much fun finding songs and playing them. We went through “Party In the USA,” “NeverNever,” “Light Me Up,” “What I’ve Done,” “Victorious,” and “Nothin But a Good Time” and had a blast. The staff was jamming to all of our picks and I inadvertently picked two songs that reference the Fourth of July!!  We watched Pointe Break with his parents and then I played with Reesie before bed.  Like I said, uneventful but fun. 

I missed the first! Yesterday was hectic but I took some time to rest because of the sick. I’ve been doing well with water so that is exciting. Good food? Not so much... I need to get back in track with that but none of those foods sound appetizing. It’s frustrating.  I work tomorrow until 10pm so another long day. We will figure it out though.