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Seeing and Believing





With all the weddings I’ve gone to in the last 5 months, I’ve been in a few pictures. I saw one of me that was posted recently and I wanted to cry. I swiped through the pictures and just got more and more in disbelief, mentally asking “Is that really me? Is that what I look like from behind?” I stared at them until I couldn’t any more and immediately had to go do something else.

I looked like such a different person than what I thought I looked like. My mental picture and reality are just sooooo far off and it was jolting to see it. I don’t want to look that way. I haven’t struggled with body image very much. If anything I’ve always thought I was smaller than I am. But I’m much bigger than I want to realize and I need to cut it out now before it becomes an even bigger issue. I know all of this. 

And here I am having finished a small KFC meal and still hungry as I write this. I have so little self control with food. I eat when I stressed, bored, hungry, sad, because it’s there, because I’ve craving something, to have something to do. The list goes on. And I don’t know where to begin to stop. 
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