Twenty Five for Twenty Six

Today my mom would have been 68 years old. I often wonder about what she would think of me, of my job, my choices, of Peter, of my cat, friends, school, all of it. It's strange to think 10 years ago I was about to turn 16 and she had just been put into her home; had just gotten worse and that my sister had recently brought Anderson into this world. It is crazy to think I have been without my mother being fully present since I was 8. Sometimes I tell my whole story (if you don't know it and want to, just ask) and people are just floored. When I reflect on that story, I am not. It doesn't ever feel like it could have gone any differently. I wasn't meant to have parents, but rather a parental units. I wasn't meant to be a child for long, but rather carry that feeling of childhood into my actions as an adult. And in ten years, I'll be 35, missing my mom, and who knows what else.  Today I had a small moment of panic as I looked at the scale and just wanted to cry. Th...

Today was a great day. It was a good day at work (despite the clients having a silent group because they are misbehaving), I looked hella cute in my dress and makeup and hair and over all good vibes #BossLadyMondayonaTuesday. Anella and I went to see The Nun because we have been trying to do this since it came out. We finally got to see it and it was freaky but not terrible. Jump scares mostly and general suspense. It is so different to go to the movies with a girl friend rather than a significant other, it seems more playful you know? As planned, she and I then went to the Mall to get our favorite food court Chinese food. It was fabulous (and fattening) but so good. While we were eating, a man approached us and walked if we wanted to play trivia to which Anella responded "she does" because I am chalk full of useless information (IS THAT THE CORRECT SPELLING OF THAT PHRASE???). So we start playing trivia while we eat. I don't think I have ever been that competitive ab...

In my line of work, guilt and shame are big topics to tackle. Addicted populations tend to experience high levels of both of these emotions and continue to maladaptively handle them thus spiraling further into their relationship with their drug of choice. "But what is the difference between guilt and shame?" they often ask. Being the good little mental health professional that I am, I psycho educate and then we work on stuff. It doesn't end there, it isn't that easy. Guilt and Shame are very difficult emotions to process and recover from.  Guilt is designed to keep us in check, from hurting anyone/stealing things; from violating morals or values set in place by a society to maintain order and piece. Whenever something happens, be it accidental or on purpose that violates these things, the average person feels guilty. For example, I never felt guilt about my eating happens until Noom explained to me what exactly I was putting into my body. So now, to avoid feeling guil...

As I transition into more hours as a therapist and tailor my schedule to this new life, I notice how much has changed and not changed over the last 6 years.  Today was a big realization moment for me when Peter and I befriend some guys in a line at HHN. Talked about the houses, past years, Bill and Ted, theme parks in general. It was great. And then I realized that these guys were children. They are in high school, in band. I felt my chest tighten once I figured it out. They did not look like high schoolers at all. They weren't like me and my ridiculous friends. They acted, looked, and spoke like adults, Mind blowing.  When I was in high school, 7 years ago (kill me now), we were not that poised, pretty, confident, fashionable, affluent, other adjectives to describe  these people. What must high school be like now??? I can't even think about that part... But I can think about how my friends have changed and stayed the same, how I still live in a fantasy world most of the ...

I have been struggling over the last few days with gaining some of my weight back inexplicably. It is frustrating to say the least. After my workout today I was at 152.8 and while that is okay... it isn’t where I should be. However, I’m not sure what else to be doing. *sigh*

Decorating the house for Halloween has been a thing for Peter and I the last few years. It just activates the season for us and makes us happier humans. We went to Target for a couple of things and ended up spending 30 dollars on unnecessary things. Like a two story, Haunted House cat scratch thing. And notchristmas lights for the patio... DECORATING HERE WE COME

Peter and I did complete a third night at HHN. That is a full weekend of spooks and we still have two houses to finish!!! Nonsense!  We went through Scary Tales, The Horrors of Blumhouse, Dead Exposure-Patient Zero, and Stranger Things. Scary Tales was the best of the night for sure!! Immersive and beautiful, the set pieces, costumes, scents, and tricks were really awesome. Being the fairy tale fan that I am, I also appreciate the reverse.  Blumhouse was the second house of the night and I wasn't expecting a whole bunch. The houses in this location are not the best in my opinion (Inisidious' section of the house last year was intense but I stand by the statement) and this was no exception. Happy Death Day was a blast although not all that scary. The same character repetitively jumps out of the same spot so... Yeah... The First Purge Section was played out for me. It's a tired franchise and we need to take a break from it. It works best as a scare zone and even that needs to...