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Ch-ch-ch-changes

As I transition into more hours as a therapist and tailor my schedule to this new life, I notice how much has changed and not changed over the last 6 years.  Today was a big realization moment for me when Peter and I befriend some guys in a line at HHN. Talked about the houses, past years, Bill and Ted, theme parks in general. It was great. And then I realized that these guys were children. They are in high school, in band. I felt my chest tighten once I figured it out. They did not look like high schoolers at all. They weren't like me and my ridiculous friends. They acted, looked, and spoke like adults, Mind blowing. 

When I was in high school, 7 years ago (kill me now), we were not that poised, pretty, confident, fashionable, affluent, other adjectives to describe  these people. What must high school be like now??? I can't even think about that part... But I can think about how my friends have changed and stayed the same, how I still live in a fantasy world most of the time and happen to be one of the more logical individuals out of my friend group, how I have lost and gained people, places, and things. The changes are infinite and yet seem so minute because of how I view myself and life most of the time.

Big, calculated changes have been taking place over the past few days. Trying to switch my days with Disney, realizing I have been the Walt Disney Company since I was NINETEEN years old, reflecting on all of the lessons it has taught me, saying I can't come to weekday babysitting anymore for my little nuggets, seeing and hearing said nuggets trying to speak sentences and potty train themselves, LEAVING MY CLINICAL SUPERVISOR WHO IS ACTUAL SUNSHINE AND WONDERFUL, I am sure there are more things. 

Change is terrifying. There is as much uncertainty, risk, and fear as there is facts, reward, and excitement. I am terrified of getting a new supervisor despite already knowing her;  I am terrified of leaving Disney at all because it keeps me safe and sane; I hate letting people down and yet I can let my self down because changing the importance from them to me would make me feel selfish. 

I hate change. It mess up everything and I don't want to go through the process. What do I do? How do I embrace change and flow with the wind (painting with some of its colors as I go of course)? How do I find balance, meaning, fulfillment, happiness, and caring in all of it??? 
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