Skip to main content

September 27th.

Today my mom would have been 68 years old. I often wonder about what she would think of me, of my job, my choices, of Peter, of my cat, friends, school, all of it. It's strange to think 10 years ago I was about to turn 16 and she had just been put into her home; had just gotten worse and that my sister had recently brought Anderson into this world. It is crazy to think I have been without my mother being fully present since I was 8. Sometimes I tell my whole story (if you don't know it and want to, just ask) and people are just floored. When I reflect on that story, I am not. It doesn't ever feel like it could have gone any differently. I wasn't meant to have parents, but rather a parental units. I wasn't meant to be a child for long, but rather carry that feeling of childhood into my actions as an adult. And in ten years, I'll be 35, missing my mom, and who knows what else. 

Today I had a small moment of panic as I looked at the scale and just wanted to cry. That moment sucked and I have to focus this next month to recover and hopefully get to my weight goals. I did get some "presents" from my mom today though. My Disney bonus as well as visit from one of my favorite clients. 

Happy Birthday. 
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

In the beginning...

I started a project. It came to me one day while I was looking over all the things I needed to accomplish. Go to the gym. Eat better. Organize. Look at the car.  The list was becoming endless. I thought back to some other times when I felt like I had to juggle a ton of things and writing as something that was there to help.  I turn 25 this year. Apparently this is a big deal? Something about a quarter of a century? Becoming mature? It's going to happen; going to happen very soon actually (like as I post this). So let me introduce you, whoever that might be, to Twenty Five for Twenty Six.  Here I'm going to attempt to complete 25 goals by the time I turn 26. I have a year. One full year; 365 days to complete a set of tasks. Have I completely decide what those twenty five things are? No. I'm going to give myself a little time to figure those out. I know I need to work on losing 25 pounds but the rest of the goals are kind of up in the air!  I also want ...
2 comments
Read more

These Are Not Joanna Eggs!

If you don't know who Joanna is, please see above. She's a Goanna (reptilian creature who crawls on all fours and eat eggs and things) who is a minor character in "The Rescuers Down Under."  The reason she is featured in today's post is because the theme song for that Disney movie has been playing all day at work as part of the fountain show. I heard it mid afternoon and immediately recognized it. I even said to myself "Well now I have to watch The Rescuers Down Under." And here I am doing just that as we wind down for the night.  Water intake was good today and food was decent. So far breakfast has been the low calorie density meal and based on the scale, I have lost three more pounds. But we shall see. Tomorrow is supposed to be a WellDressedWednesday.
Post a Comment
Read more

Seeing and Believing

With all the weddings I’ve gone to in the last 5 months, I’ve been in a few pictures. I saw one of me that was posted recently and I wanted to cry. I swiped through the pictures and just got more and more in disbelief, mentally asking “Is that really me? Is that what I look like from behind?” I stared at them until I couldn’t any more and immediately had to go do something else. I looked like such a different person than what I thought I looked like. My mental picture and reality are just sooooo far off and it was jolting to see it. I don’t want to look that way. I haven’t struggled with body image very much. If anything I’ve always thought I was smaller than I am. But I’m much bigger than I want to realize and I need to cut it out now before it becomes an even bigger issue. I know all of this.  And here I am having finished a small KFC meal and still hungry as I write this. I have so little self control with food. I eat when I stressed, bored, hungry, sad, because it’s t...
Post a Comment
Read more