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This Isn’t That Hard

Hello again, who ever (or is it whomever?) you are reading this. If you’ve been following along for a while, you can tell I’m struggling to write the correct things recently. I keep missing days or having throw away posts. It’s nothing for me to be ashamed of and I know that. This is my project. I did better this month than the last two which is an accomplishment. 

But today I thought I’d walk you through one of what I call the “stuffs”; the things that keep me preoccupied. Recently I have been internally panicking about a new medication I was placed on. My stupid self looked up the side effects and now I’m just petrified. I’m
Working hard to lose my 25 pounds (I could be working harder I will admit that) and to think that I could lose all my progress and it isn’t even my fault? It’s brought me to tears multiple times. Like sobbing, shaking tears. And then to think that I could become severely depressed, because of something that is supposed to help with something else, in my line of work is also so disheartening. My peppy, happy attitude it what makes me a good therapist especially in residential. 

I can’t lose these things. I can’t slide backwards if I didn’t do anything to deserve it. And I’m just so scared  by it. It takes up so much head space, especially this last week. I wasn’t much of a worrier in general and then recently I have become one. About lots of things. I’ve been trying to let a lot of it go. Breathing, reassuring my self, setting small goals, ect. It helps! And then there are moments where obsessive circles begin to curb and race through my head about various things. 

Sometimes I don’t want to post because I’m tired (because I didn’t sleep well or because my life is too hectic, depends on the day). Other times I’m just too busy. And then there are times when I just don’t want to face what I need to post about...

Today wasn’t bad aside from this little end piece. Talked about AIW, tried to watch my eating, went to the gym, played video games, and treated myself to
Moes with boyfriend. 

Tomorrow I will dance and jump around to German music and then maybe go to the movies at night. 
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