Good Evening

It is crazy to me that we are almost to November. Where did my year go? How has it been this long already?

I know I haven't been as consistent as I had hoped to be with the project, these last few months especially. Upon reflection, (read: thinking to myself as I enter a fugue state flying down I4) I think part of the reason I am struggling so much with this project and in general is due to my lack of identity. 

I know I show my self to be all these things but in reality, I still struggle to figure out who I am. I always have. Some of you may know me to be this bubbly, bright, positive, peppy, bouncy person and that is true... but there are so many other sides. I can be mean, very very mean, and strict, bossy, controlling, miserable, hateful. When that happens, people who know me as the former kind of freeze. They ask whats wrong and act cautiously. They don't know what to do with the new form that is in front of them. And then there's this other part that is pitying, playing the victim, unsure, lost, confused, hopeless. I've been that one more recently because being an adult is hard. 

I ask my clients to figure out who they are; to tell me their identity now and in the future. And yet I struggle with that same question. Obviously, I know my name, profession ect. But who am I? What are my values, beliefs, heuristics, and traits? That may not be so easy to answer. There may be things I don't like in that answer or things that other people don't like.  There are things in my profession that help with this age old question. One of them being something called The JOHARI Window.  It looks like this:

and it can be helpful to use. But most individuals don't know about this of their own accord. It isn't exactly an everyday thing for everyone. In my profession though, it can be. And today it needs to be for me. The Arena section is easy, for example things that would go in my Arena might be bubbly, Disney loving, 25 y/o female, with no parents, who can be brash, hilarious, mean, and kind all in the same day. Obviously there is more but you get the idea. The Facade section is something that I could fill out as well as I don't hide too much from the outside. For example, I don't know how to handle money properly, this is not a secret. However, what might be a secret is that I don't know how to handle it and refuse to ask for help a lot of the time because of not having parents and being under the impression that I have to be independent at all times. What I need help with, are the Blind Spot and the Unknown area. What do you see that I might not? Who am I to you? What am I like? And then maybe I have an answer for the unknown...


In other news, I created the rest of my goals for the project out of desperation at work because I was going insane in the heat. I am going to be prewriting some of those posts to roll out in the next weeks.